Talk:Savyer Hinalota
Thanks for answering my post so quickly. Just a little worry, though... (Sorry for the tl;dr-ness) Quote: "The amount of pivotal events that your character has gone through also highly depends on their age. As teenage years to early twenties is the most common age for roleplay characters, someone so young would probably only have one or two MAJOR pivotal events that changed their life forever, if any. Save the heaps of events for a older adult character who would plausibly have experienced them, preferably a character in their late thirties and beyond." Savyer looks overextravagant in her history. Thankfully, though, she looks rather balanced, but a little on the overpowered side. Personalitywise she looks rather OP. Strategist? CHECK. Everything she speaks is Philosophy? CHECK. Orphaned? CHECK. Experiment from Orochimaru? Check. Experiment made her overly powerful? THANKFULLY NOT. You may want to give her a few flaws, for example making there less power within her ( I get the feeling she's gonna unlock some former power, causing a Godmode Sue...) I think a main flaw Secondly, "This subconcept of the larger "Mary Sue" concept comes in two common variations. The first is a character who is constantly depressed and has a tragic past, frequently involving murder, child abuse, rape, or abandonment of some sort. She or he often feels guilt for something that happened in the past, even though it is usually not his or her fault, which gives him or her the ability to feel bad about something without having done anything wrong. Generally, if she or he doesn't commit romanticized suicide, then only the love or close friendship of one or more canon characters can convince her that she is not responsible for a tragic or horrific childhood or event that was obviously not of her making. '''Such backgrounds constitute an ill-advised attempt to gain sympathy from the reader.'''Your character might belong here, but don't make her shout her story out the first moment possible, make her have a personality based on this. (Sasuke might be seen as an angsty stu, if not for the fact that he is overly Emotionless.) Thirdly, From Deviantart's many passages of common traits, 8. Mary Sue suddenly becomes weak in the presence of a love interest! I've seen your draft of Savyer's story intro, and I haz idea to stop her becoming another perfect character. #Make her epic phail at pain. (At least the first time round; if she's a strategist, she should use details from the first battle later.) #Don't give her the awesome sword and/or glider. (My character carries no weapons whatsoever.) #If you make her a strategist, give her a low stamina/ a morbid fear of blood (But don't copy tsunade.)/ hardly any strength. Thanks for reading, Hana-kun 07:47, May 29, 2011 (UTC) Ah Thanks! Thanks! And just to make you feel on the safe side she's was never going to go God-mode Sue. Savyer's Story on my website was mostly just to get an Idea of what will happen and stat writing the acuity story. ^^ also something I didn't notice "she speaks is Philosophy?" She does? ah..must not notice that. O.O Also the sword AKA glider I gessI should just make into a glider cause she need's it to fly *Sweat drop* Yeah me and my life. and Out of the pre ship she lose's most of her strategist about to 109. I think I said that in my previous drawings on DA. Thank you for helping!!!!!!!RennTorakwolf 13:25, May 30, 2011 (UTC) Thanks. Either way, I'm not that active, and would not qualify for a good staff member. Plus, I'm probably younger than most of you here, and my immaturity still shows. It's good that you're making an effort to correct what I've talked to you about. A little pet peeve: Bad English pisses me off. Can I help you correct the minor flaws? Hana-kun 08:41, June 8, 2011 (UTC)